Mobiles are disruptive. It's a fact. Not only do you have the various novelty ringtones that take you out of the immersive experience you paid good money to receive, you also have the emitted light that draws your eyes away from the screen. It's never during the shitty exposition. It's always, without fail, during some kick-ass, edge of your seat moment. Usually, the suspect in question has the common decency to quickly silence it and turn off the mobile. The real problem is that it's never just one asshat! There's an entire fucking platoon of these people that are strategically positioned at all corners of the theatre. They also love spoilers.
Jabber-jawing isn't usually a problem, but every now and then.... Every now and then, you're sitting in front of one of three different kinds of people. Each of these distinct subgroups loves nothing more than to totally rape your movie-going. First and foremost are the Brosephs of Collegeland. These collar-popping, flip-flop donning, milk-dud chomping, female belittling, alcoholic tightwads will ruin your experience by talking in unison about how uninteresting the movie is/was.
Next on the list are the Trailer-trash Redneck Rejects. This group will ruin your experience by sitting their three children right behind your seat. You'll be subjected to constant kicking, drink spilling, and myriad bathroom breaks. Mommy and Third-Daddy will be interjecting to answer trivial questions like "Who's that man?" or "Why did she take her shirt off?" This is bad enough, but then you throw in a very real BO threat. It's a trifecta from hell.
Last, not least are the Reprezentuhtivz o' the Ghetto. These black people provide endless, mindless audio commentary at no extra charge!
"Who this bitch think she is, Randall?" asks Lilqueefa.
"Shiiiit...." says Randall.
"Randall, who this bitch think she is? She cain't do that."
"Fuuuuuck....." moans Randall.
"Randall, I's fuckin' talking wif you. You lissnen' me?"
"Damn Lilqueefa, watch the fuckin' movie...."
No, no, no. Don't look at me like that. It's not racist. I deal in fact, Bufonda. Did you forget that my first two were about white people? Hate directed at one race is racist. Hate directed at every race is just me being a douchebag.
What if you had the worst of these groups combined into one person? Take the spoilers. Take the down-talking from the Bros. Take the incessant questions and answers from the Trash. Take the commentary from the Repz. What would you get? I'm not quite sure what to call it yet, but it does exist.
On a different note, let's talk about cinema behavior in China. Mobiles are always on. Everyone goes about their business on them. Talking happens all the time. I think after I see a few movies here, I'll be a seasoned vet. The bullshit back in the US may never bother me again. But then there's the amalgam... That will probably always be a problem.
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