Hurting for Television

Like some of my colleagues, I've been hurting for something to watch... anything--anything at all!  I barreled through Doctor Who.  I annihilated Misfits.  I'm killing The Office.  I obliterated Chuck, Lie to Me, the Mentalist, Castle, Dexter (a few times), Breaking Bad, Merlin, etc.

As much as I'm desperately hurting for television, there is some trash that has absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever.  I'm not going to name names, but there is a show where a few paranormal roomies try their hand at being human.

Let me tell you why it's utter shit.

• The Twilight Effect:  Fuzzy werewolves and cuddly vampires are getting kind of old.  Just like the hot "new" thing is to involve the two in a tale of self contempt and romance so saccharine, the fad is now to reference Meyer's trainwreck in a dismissive way.  The desired effect seems to be a way to elevate the media wherein such a remark is contained to something more...I don't even know what to say... professional?  The de facto result is instead the direct opposite.  If you reference Twi-new-clipse, then it becomes clear you're not trying to be original.  You're practically screaming out that you're just trying to ride on the coattails of what came before... even if it was shite.
• Bad Writing:  To be honest, this isn't exactly unrelated from The Twilight Effect, but there is something that requires a quick mention.  Fuzzy and Fanger go to a flat.  Outside, refusing to go in, is the prick leasing out the place.  When they all meet up next to the steps outside, they have a beautiful and jolly conversation.  Mr. Personality explains that people didn't want the place.  He explains that it's because there was an engaged couple previously living there.  He explains that the fiancee died.  It's all incredibly awkward and terrible, points being repeated, and then he explains that the fiancee was his.  (Dear god, we finally got there!)  It's all very soap-opera-esque and irrelevant to anything interesting in the history of everything.  Relationships are explained completely.  There's absolutely nothing subtle at all about this show, which makes sense.  It's meant to be understood while young girls write away in their diaries and fantasize about the male lead vampire dipshit.
• Bad Acting:  Fuzzy has only two looks in his entire repertoire:  forlorn and suspicious.  The entire first episode was a showcase of his "forlorn", and the second episode was a mixture of the two.  I suppose I should be thankful that by the time the second episode rolled around, he was talented enough to vary it up a little, but really I'm just insulted.  Oh, and being a vampire, Fanger, is not an excuse for you to look all pouty.  
• Being True to Source Material:  Is there no fucking sanity anymore?  If you have a werewolf that is transformed by the light of the full moon, then why--fucking why--do you have a vampire that can walk around in the sunlight?  No one cares about the rules anymore, and it's a serious sign that we're fucking making the opposite of progress.
• Ugly People:  Not a single person, save perhaps for Fuzzy and Ms. Ouchithwackedmyheadonthestaircase, has any physical characteristics worth looking at.  Even Dexter's Paul looks like a trainwreck in this show, which says to me that they're aiming at putting off an entire nation (never mind a global audience).  There's a difference between "going for realism (e.g. Lost) and shoving ugliness down your throat.  Please don't do it.  I don't like it.  It gives me a bad taste in my mouth.  No one wants to stare at different angles of ugly-ass people for 47 minutes.

Watching two utterly special paranormals try their luck at being human is a terrible idea.  No one wants to watch a movie about Superman trying to be Clark Kent.  Were you fucking insane when you re-fucking-made this?

I do wonder if it's just America's Midas touch, in that it transmogrifies beauty into filth, or was the English original also rubbish?