What Kind of Woman Are You?

Witchy Woman?

Evil Woman?

What about a Milky Woman?

The Silver Cord

Imagine, if you will, that the entirety of your spirit is personified in a silver cord.  This cord is made of dozens of smaller silver threads that are carefully woven together and bound.  These threads may represent the different masks that you wear or the different facets of your personality.  Suspended at the end of the cord is all of the weight of negativity and ferocity.  When the silver cord is maintained, the suspended darkness sways gently from side to side and has little effect.

If one of the threads comes undone, the dark pendulum swings ever wider.  Without the strength in unity brought by all threads working in harmony, the weight of the ferocious negativity can be felt with far greater ease.  Also easier is the possibility of losing more threads.

At one time, my cord had a knot in it.  I knew of a way to fix it, though.  I learned the true name of the cord and wielded that lofty power in an attempt to repair the damage.  In the process of undoing the knot to fix the cord, one of the threads was broken.  It wasn't just unraveled; it was cut.

Once you know something's true name, it can never be forgotten.  You have the ability to do great good, but nothing can be gained without sacrificing something else.

Lately, other pendulums have been swinging around near mine.  Darkness has clashed with darkness.  Negativity has scraped against my cord.  Cords have even gotten tangled together.

As a result, my cord seems to have started unraveling.  It's... uncomfortable.

I can see three options.

1. Use the name of power to patch the cord.  If I do this, it just covers the problems... doesn't really address them.  However, it would save a great deal of headache.
2. Use the true name to cut the cord.  If I do this, the darkness drops down into a pool of pure water and poisons everything; however, a new cord can be created to lift the darkness out of the pool.  This would cause incredible heartache within a condensed amount of time, but would be a solution to the problems.
3. Let nature take its course.  It's not comfortable.  It doesn't address the problems.  It's a very "whatever happens, happens" kind of philosophy.

If I believed in a higher being, this is when I would be asking for assistance.

“跟我学汉语”

～沼泽在哪里？
～在对面。
～他在干嘛？
～他在一边拉屎，一边抽烟。

Studying Chinese has been quite a pill to swallow.  I had three semesters in uni with a Taiwanese teacher that was attempting to teach Beijing accent Mandarin and traditional characters.  I wanted to learn Southern accent Mandarin and simplified characters.  Ain't life difficult?

Next was a senior English major here at the uni I work for.  He was teaching me Southern accent and Simplified characters.   A thing of beauty.

Then he graduated.

Then there was a gaggle of giggling girlies trying to teach Chinese...  They spent two weeks teaching me fruit, which is oh so terribly useful.  I didn't find the content suitable for my interests.  An obnoxious Americunt that was also in the "intermediate" group was especially annoying.  So, I gave up.

Then there was no teacher.

Now, the English major that left me to fend for myself has started delivering lessons to me over the internet.  Life is good.

Food Post no. 1

Hurting for Television

Like some of my colleagues, I've been hurting for something to watch... anything--anything at all!  I barreled through Doctor Who.  I annihilated Misfits.  I'm killing The Office.  I obliterated Chuck, Lie to Me, the Mentalist, Castle, Dexter (a few times), Breaking Bad, Merlin, etc.

As much as I'm desperately hurting for television, there is some trash that has absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever.  I'm not going to name names, but there is a show where a few paranormal roomies try their hand at being human.

Let me tell you why it's utter shit.

• The Twilight Effect:  Fuzzy werewolves and cuddly vampires are getting kind of old.  Just like the hot "new" thing is to involve the two in a tale of self contempt and romance so saccharine, the fad is now to reference Meyer's trainwreck in a dismissive way.  The desired effect seems to be a way to elevate the media wherein such a remark is contained to something more...I don't even know what to say... professional?  The de facto result is instead the direct opposite.  If you reference Twi-new-clipse, then it becomes clear you're not trying to be original.  You're practically screaming out that you're just trying to ride on the coattails of what came before... even if it was shite.
• Bad Writing:  To be honest, this isn't exactly unrelated from The Twilight Effect, but there is something that requires a quick mention.  Fuzzy and Fanger go to a flat.  Outside, refusing to go in, is the prick leasing out the place.  When they all meet up next to the steps outside, they have a beautiful and jolly conversation.  Mr. Personality explains that people didn't want the place.  He explains that it's because there was an engaged couple previously living there.  He explains that the fiancee died.  It's all incredibly awkward and terrible, points being repeated, and then he explains that the fiancee was his.  (Dear god, we finally got there!)  It's all very soap-opera-esque and irrelevant to anything interesting in the history of everything.  Relationships are explained completely.  There's absolutely nothing subtle at all about this show, which makes sense.  It's meant to be understood while young girls write away in their diaries and fantasize about the male lead vampire dipshit.
• Bad Acting:  Fuzzy has only two looks in his entire repertoire:  forlorn and suspicious.  The entire first episode was a showcase of his "forlorn", and the second episode was a mixture of the two.  I suppose I should be thankful that by the time the second episode rolled around, he was talented enough to vary it up a little, but really I'm just insulted.  Oh, and being a vampire, Fanger, is not an excuse for you to look all pouty.  
• Being True to Source Material:  Is there no fucking sanity anymore?  If you have a werewolf that is transformed by the light of the full moon, then why--fucking why--do you have a vampire that can walk around in the sunlight?  No one cares about the rules anymore, and it's a serious sign that we're fucking making the opposite of progress.
• Ugly People:  Not a single person, save perhaps for Fuzzy and Ms. Ouchithwackedmyheadonthestaircase, has any physical characteristics worth looking at.  Even Dexter's Paul looks like a trainwreck in this show, which says to me that they're aiming at putting off an entire nation (never mind a global audience).  There's a difference between "going for realism (e.g. Lost) and shoving ugliness down your throat.  Please don't do it.  I don't like it.  It gives me a bad taste in my mouth.  No one wants to stare at different angles of ugly-ass people for 47 minutes.

Watching two utterly special paranormals try their luck at being human is a terrible idea.  No one wants to watch a movie about Superman trying to be Clark Kent.  Were you fucking insane when you re-fucking-made this?

I do wonder if it's just America's Midas touch, in that it transmogrifies beauty into filth, or was the English original also rubbish?

Tencent's QQ, connecting hundreds of millions of Chinese all day, every day

The following is a sample conversation one may have with a restaurant boss while the sounds of QQ blast out from giant speakers.


(Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep)


"Hello?"

(Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep)


"Hi.  Can I help you?"

(Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep)


"I want-"

(Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep)


"What do you want?"

(Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep)


"I want egg fried rice."

(Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep)


"Egg fried rice, right?"

(Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep)


"Yeah.  One order."

(Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep)


"Okay. Have a seat."

(Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep)


This post today was brought to you by the letter Q, as in QQ (popular Chinese messaging client).

Racism in the Middle Kindgom

KXF:  "It's not racism."
Me:  "Then it's discrimination or prejudice."
KXF:  "No, it's not discrimination."
Me:  "It sure feels like racism."
KXF:  "It's not.  They're just curious...and maybe a little ignorant."
Me:  "Racists usually are ignorant."

The above is based on a conversation that I had perhaps seven months ago with a good friend.  There are some things that happen in China that make for a very uncomfortable experience.

• Staring -- Unless you're in a densely populated area rife with other foreigners, you're going to get stares.  They're the kind of stares that aren't even hidden.  When you gaze meets their own, they don't quickly look away and try to put on that they weren't staring.  The staring just gets worse.  It becomes... uncomfortable.  Things they might be thinking:  this foreigner is so white, so fat, so tall, dressed so strangely, covered in body hair.  There's nothing intrinsically wrong with staring, and it's something that having been to France I was prepared for, but it does begin to feel a little uncomfortable when you're literally surrounded on all sides by staring people.
• 老外～！-- "Laowai!"  This means "foreigner".  Some people think that this particular phrase is inappropriate and a little heavy handed.  外国人 is another phrase (waiguo ren), and it means the same thing.  Perhaps it's a little more respectful.  With my understanding, 老外 used to be disrespectful but is becoming acceptable.  To put this into perspective, take the situation in America.  "Gay" was always preferred to "Queer", but with the advent of the show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", this word started to become acceptable.  It's still based on personal taste, but the potency of "queer" depends on the intention used.  Now that I've set this information up, I'll get to the point.  People practically shout this whenever they see a foreigner.  It seems to be an alert to all of the other Chinese people that they've spotted an infiltrator (not that we're easy to miss).  It's kind of cute when a mother and young son are walking hand-in-hand and the boy tells his mom to look at the foreigner.  It's less cute when it's some dirty middle-aged worker riding in the back of an improvised three-wheeled motor cart telling his friends to promptly turn around and play the staring game (see above).
• Questions --  "Where do you come from?  How tall are you?  You're feet are so big, what size do you wear?  How long have you been in China?  You're fat; how much do you weigh?  How much money do you earn?  Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?"  These questions are all the same.  It's as though every Chinese person has a mental check-list and must run through all of these before they can get to any real conversation.  Many of the questions, to a foreigner, are quite probing and inappropriate.  They're not inappropriate in Chinese culture, though, and these probably really do stem from curiosity.  The problem here is that foreigners aren't acquainted with this type of invasive question, nor are they accustomed to receiving the same damn questions over and over.  I was once told that these are the questions that are asked because these are they questions that they can say in English (thanks KXF), but the truth is that they're the same damn questions in Chinese.
• Culture (minor) --  There are minor things about Chinese culture that will directly cause Chinese to stare in bewilderment and disbelief, such as the ability to use chopsticks.  Using chopsticks is like taking a shit after drinking twelve beers and pounding eight chocolate bars and a greasy taco.  It's going to happen, and it's going to be easy.  There comes a point where the daily things just become absorbed into your own personal culture, and you know you're doing it right when finally a Chinese person looks at what you're eating and says they want that (rather than vice-versa).  He's eating dumplings?  He's eating duck leg rice?  He's eating fried glutinous rice cakes?  He's eating big plate chicken?  Of course I am...  it's what's around here.  How could I live for a year in China and not eat the food?  Or get used to the chopsticks, for that matter?  And you don't need to treat me like I'm incapable of doing so.
• Culture (major) -- My brother from another mother is guilty of this.  There is a belief that only the finer points of Chinese culture should be shared with foreigners.  Like putting the best face forward.  However, when you're in it for the long haul, you need to be acquainted with the darker side of culture, as well.  Every nation has a dark side.  Every nation has it's positive points.  To exclude me from certain information that you gladly share with others within your own race is bullshit.  Chinese culture dates back thousands hundreds of years, and it's not so special or intricate that others cannot understand.  You simply don't allow them to understand.  It's secretive.  It's elitist.  It's hateful.  It's racism.  You're not betraying your country if you tell me.  You're betraying me if you don't tell me.  Don't give me the "ancient Chinese secret" treatment.
• Physical Form --  KXF took me to the hospital.  He made a comment that was really weird.  He said that it was surprising that even though I'm not Chinese, I have the same veins under my skin.  I was going to an eye examination with another friend, and he made a comment about eyes that gave me the same feeling.  Sure they may look different, but the function is the same.  He also was under the impression that I had blue eyes...  I don't.  My eyes are brown... just like his.  This doesn't anger me like the others do.  I understand there's a visible difference between physical traits from one race to another.  I find it a bit humorous.
• Water Closets --   It doesn't happen always, but it happens enough that it earns an honorable mention on my list here.  Apparently my ...er... trident (*ahem*) needs to be stared at, as well (see above).  Is it really so different from yours that you have to marvel at its exoticness?  I can understand curiosity.  Truly I can.  After all, I'm also curious as to what theirs look like, but here's the fundamental difference: I'm queer!  Out of respect to people and respect for the rules of Water Closet Behavior, I refrain.  Why can't you?

This list is far from over.