In the beginning, God rubbed his tummy and patted his head. Then God said, "Gimme a light." And he smoked it. And it was good.
Well, now. Apparently the Evangelicals are claiming that indeed there never really were any Adams or Eves created in a garden of perfect, naked perversion. They have come to this conclusion by looking at evidence produced through 20 years of examining the human genome. It took them twenty years of science to say to themselves... "Now wait a minute... This sounds like a crock of horseshit to me."
This evidence is not enough for some in the Christian movement, though. The fundamentalists, presumably headed up by the Palin family and their inbred cousins the Phelps, are sticking to their Biblical literalism.
I have one major problem with Biblical literalists. They purport to follow the divine scrawlings to the very letter, but I'm reasonably assured that they're full of their own shit flavored shit. In the Bible, it is said that it is better to cum into the twat of a hooker than to spill any love gunk on the soil. Instead of masturbating, we should all be fucking whores. I mean "fucking whores" in the sense that you're cramming them with your trojan horse donkey meat; I don't mean "fucking whores" in the sense that "fucking" can be used as an intensifying adjective. Verbs, children. Not adjectives. Fuck your whores. Fuck em good.
For some reason--I could be wrong--I don't think these literalists are cruising the street corners at dusk. No, I think they're getting stiffies while watching the Home Shopping Network. Bonus points if you can rub one out before anyone says "but if you call now...
